DEMJDR’s blog

Imagination

nobody@vox.com(DEMJDR) — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 23:16:56 -0700

You just need to let your imagination free, you can do whatever you imagine...whatever you want.

(paraphrased) Montreal Art Shop....ron

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What do you do when...

nobody@vox.com(DEMJDR) — Thu, 14 May 2009 20:26:49 -0700

What do you do when you are doing everything "right"
and it doesn't feel good, doesn't payoff in any way, doesn't
"change your life", doesn't show you that this is what you
should do more often.
What do you do when you choose "right"
and there is no payoff?

Whatever "right" is!

The first rule of human nature really
is SURVIVAL isn't it? No matter who you are
or what situation you were in.
It just has many disguises.

Ok SMILE!! :)

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Hopeless

nobody@vox.com(DEMJDR) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 19:49:03 -0700

Is there anyone in this fu#%ing world I can trust?

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Dead Deadbeat DAD

nobody@vox.com(DEMJDR) — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 21:47:20 -0700

Father & Son

Today I understand my pain.
Tomorrow is my father's funeral.
He was murdered by 2 men not too far from where I live really
I will not be there at the funeral
There is no need.
We have not had contact for 30 years,
this month.
His choice.
But tonight I understand my pain.
I should feel sad that my father is gone
and I should have to attend his funeral and grieve.
That is what one does when one has a father.
But I have not had a father for so long.
So I don't even have the luxury of
needing to be at the funeral
to grieve for a loved one
who raised me and who watched
me succeed
or who was an asshole and was there for me to
love and hate.
No it's just some amorphous person who
died who I vaguely remember when I was 12
who people tell me is my father
who has been the closest relative to me
geographically speaking for the past 20 years
yet the farthest relative from me
relationship wise.
I hurt that i don't have a father
to grieve for.
I never imagined that would be so sad.
But it is.
I guess I grieve for what never was
what never would have been
and now what never will be.
Caring for and working for every other youth
getting them on track as a social worker
yet not caring for his son
or his sons from what i hear.
Just another black deadbeat dad.
Cultivating the stereotype.
Fucker!

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Stop staring backwards

nobody@vox.com(DEMJDR) — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 18:20:23 -0800

I'm out of the city.
I have everything but money and a job.
Everything to make me happy really
other than an interesting job and money.
They wouldn't make me happy either.
Why can't I feel the happiness?
Christmas Eve. Midnight Mass.
Family tomorrow.
Amazing dinner tonight.
Beautiful apartment.
Wonderful partner.
Depression.
Really?
Really.
Exercise maybe?
Less alcohol maybe?
Focus and discipline maybe?
Choosing hope maybe?
Choosing smile maybe?
Amazing.
Poor little rich boy.
Tons of snow out the window.
A beautiful mountain.
A beautiful river.
Depression, really?
Why?
I don't get it.
But....
Keep on going.
Focus on self again.
Take care of self again.
So fortunate.
Realize it.
So often only realize how fortunate
by looking back.
Romanticizing the past
as if life is over.
Great memories.
But more to make no?
SO MANY great memories!
But more to make no?
Dinner time
Filet mignon. Shrimp scampi.
Baked potato. Asparagus
Proseco. Great company
Great music.
Depression, REALLY?
GET A GRIP!
GET OVER YOURSELF!
EGO! Let go of EGO!
Merry Christmas JEW!

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Observations.

nobody@vox.com(DEMJDR) — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 00:32:32 -0700

So much good in front of me.
Will I reach it?
Pain body?
What is that?
Keep going.
Over whelmed.
Afraid of success?
In career
In relationship
Why?
Keep going forward.
Protect yourself.
You are all that you have really.
The rest is superficial.
really
all there is is right now.
take advantage of right now.
a piano bar, a jazz bar
what do i have to say?
so little, a lot
crazy really
trying to find the next move.
out of the city.
oh boy
scary
good but scary
we'll see
am i crazy?

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Featured Life Question: Life without Gadgets

nobody@vox.com(DEMJDR) — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 23:20:32 -0700

Which gadgets/electronics do you use every day? What would your life be like without these products?
Sponsored by Best Buy.

Everyday i use my macbookpro, my ipod, my blackberry and my tivo.
Honestly as inconvenient as it would be, i could live without them all.
I tend to adjust to my surroundings. I'm not saying it wouldn't be diffucult.
I've grown accustomed convenience of these items in my day to day life. communication with friends, creativity, meeting new people, discussion. listening to any music i want without the encumbrance of cds but without them i agian would find another way.
.

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Scary America

nobody@vox.com(DEMJDR) — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 21:36:23 -0700

Heard the scariest thing I believe is true of a lot of people in America.
My door lady who happens to be white,
was on the phone talking about how Sarah Palin did not represent the feminist movement at all
and how she also did not represent America and how sad it is for her to be running.
Yet at the end of the conversation she still said,
"I have to be honest.
I think Obama is the best candidate for the job, but I can't honestly tell you how I will vote.
I can't say what will happen when it is time to pull the switch."
And this is a nice lady and one of the most open minded people I know
who I would consider a friend so I hold nothing against her.
But how scary for America, when even the most open person doesn't know if they can
vote for the best candidate for the Presidency.
One can only hope that people can overcome America's past and learn to think for themselves and take action.
But I can't say I honestly believe in American people.
To me the majority of them they are more like sheep who are easily lead in
one direction or another so easily manipulated and swayed and deceived.
But it's what they want. The truth is not desirable.
Besides they have no desire to think for themselves so they follow the crowd and the lying media
and complain when things don't go their way.
That's something that the government knows how to take advantage of and does well.
At which point I say if America is indeed falling apart, it's getting what it deserves.
And I say that sadly & embarrassingly since I too am an American.

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Black Man's Bewilderment

nobody@vox.com(DEMJDR) — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 10:14:16 -0700

Why the hell do white people expect me a black man

to love the musical, Showboat?

Why do they look at me and glorify in chosen denial

a time they see as the "good ol' days"

and wonder why I don't join in with them.

And why are they suddenly defensive

and look at me as ungrateful when I tell them

I don't want to "celebrate" that time or that show.

Am I still supposed to be the thankful nigger who

appreciates any little scraps he gets?

Really?!

Amazing!

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NY Life

nobody@vox.com(DEMJDR) — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 23:44:45 -0700

Dad granddad and son

NY LIFE (aka self involvement)

Boy gets on the subway in the big city of NY with his friends.
Sits next to me talking away to his friends.
Riding for minutes when suddenly he looks to his right
and says
"Whoa! Hi Dad!
I didn't even notice you were there.
What are you doing here?"

We are so caught up in our lives in NYC we don't even notice
our parent happens to be sitting next us.
Freaky to see but funny
and true!!

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