Today I understand my pain.
Tomorrow is my father's funeral.
He was murdered by 2 men not too far from where I live really
I will not be there at the funeral
There is no need.
We have not had contact for 30 years,
this month.
His choice.
But tonight I understand my pain.
I should feel sad that my father is gone
and I should have to attend his funeral and grieve.
That is what one does when one has a father.
But I have not had a father for so long.
So I don't even have the luxury of
needing to be at the funeral
to grieve for a loved one
who raised me and who watched
me succeed
or who was an asshole and was there for me to
love and hate.
No it's just some amorphous person who
died who I vaguely remember when I was 12
who people tell me is my father
who has been the closest relative to me
geographically speaking for the past 20 years
yet the farthest relative from me
relationship wise.
I hurt that i don't have a father
to grieve for.
I never imagined that would be so sad.
But it is.
I guess I grieve for what never was
what never would have been
and now what never will be.
Caring for and working for every other youth
getting them on track as a social worker
yet not caring for his son
or his sons from what i hear.
Just another black deadbeat dad.
Cultivating the stereotype.
Fucker!
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Tomorrow is my father's funeral.
He was murdered by 2 men not too far from where I live really
I will not be there at the funeral
There is no need.
We have not had contact for 30 years,
this month.
His choice.
But tonight I understand my pain.
I should feel sad that my father is gone
and I should have to attend his funeral and grieve.
That is what one does when one has a father.
But I have not had a father for so long.
So I don't even have the luxury of
needing to be at the funeral
to grieve for a loved one
who raised me and who watched
me succeed
or who was an asshole and was there for me to
love and hate.
No it's just some amorphous person who
died who I vaguely remember when I was 12
who people tell me is my father
who has been the closest relative to me
geographically speaking for the past 20 years
yet the farthest relative from me
relationship wise.
I hurt that i don't have a father
to grieve for.
I never imagined that would be so sad.
But it is.
I guess I grieve for what never was
what never would have been
and now what never will be.
Caring for and working for every other youth
getting them on track as a social worker
yet not caring for his son
or his sons from what i hear.
Just another black deadbeat dad.
Cultivating the stereotype.
Fucker!